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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tartesk's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
    11:11 pm
    yay for boredom
    i turned 18 on saturday... woohoo.. only the ones i told remembered... with the exception of one... just waitin for fatigue to kick in so i can try to get some sleep... something i almost forget the meaning of...
    Saturday, November 2nd, 2002
    5:10 pm
    yea.. so... im bored as usual...
    my friend sent this to me in a game i play, nething with a * next to it applys to me...
    You Might Be A Geek If...

    Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.
    You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife".
    You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie. *
    You want an 16x CDROM for Christmas.
    Dilbert is your hero.
    You can name 6 Star Trek episodes.
    Your spouse sends you an e-mail to call you to dinner.
    Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. *
    You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids` toys. *(my mom loves doing that, we fight to see who gets to put every thing together)
    You use a CAD package to design your son`s Pinewood Derby car.
    You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts. *
    It goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights. *
    You window shop at Radio Shack.
    Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest science-fiction movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
    You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area. *(theres one on my desk, does that count?)
    You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
    You are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera`s flash attachment.
    You don`t even know where the cover to your personal computer is. *(my old one)
    You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
    You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
    You own "Official Star Trek" anything.
    You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what`s inside. ******
    A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception. *(not at work, but we modified it)
    You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
    You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
    You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts. *(DAMN EDWARDS TO ALL HELL)
    You have never backed-up your hard drive.
    You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud. *(cept i do say it outloud)
    You truly believe aliens are living among us.
    You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance. *
    You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is".
    You see a good design and still have to change it. *
    The salespeople at Circuit City can`t answer any of your questions.
    You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
    The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind. *(cept for the music one)
    You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don`t remember where they are. *
    You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
    You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
    You have more toys than your kids.
    You need a checklist to turn on the TV. *
    You have ever introduced your kids by the wrong name.
    You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work. *
    Your I.Q. is a higher number than your weight.
    The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don`t work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
    You can remember the passwords for seven different computers but not your wedding anniversary. *(do my parents anniversary count?)
    You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already. *(thnx to my mom)
    You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
    Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family`s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal. *(wasnt my father there,it was me)
    You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use. *
    You can type 70 words a minute but can`t read your own handwriting. ************
    People groan at the party when you pick out the music. *(so i like techno, kiss my ass)
    You can`t remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.
    You ran the sound system for your senior prom.
    Your checkbook always balances.
    Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone. *(if i can ever find the damn thing)
    You have more friends on the Internet than in real life. ***********************
    You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.
    You think that when people around you yawn, it`s because they didn`t get enough sleep. *
    You spend more on your home computer than your car. *(no car)
    You know what http stands for. *
    You`ve ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio. *
    You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage. *
    Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
    Your lap-top computer costs more than your car. *(does desktop comp count for this?)
    Your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate. *(switch fat for Dots, Sugar for Taquitos, and Chocolate for hamburgers)
    Your nutritional pyramid is made of empty Jolt cans.
    You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. *(check my aim messages)
    You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3.0 or higher."
    You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
    You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. (wait? people still turn off a modem?)
    You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
    You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
    You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems. *********************
    You start using smileys in your snail mail. *******
    You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP`s access number.
    You try to hum to communicate with a modem. You succeed.
    The only jokes you know are on the web


    ok... so.. thats that... lets see... what else has been going on... ive got mid terms next week... an essay due on monday.. i have to draw my room as well... ive got a shitload of drawing to do in general... i blocked crystal on aim... for all 22 of my screen names... including the ones she doesnt know... i braided my hair for halloween, colored it with blue, green and red, took out the braids, and had a fro the night after... i can almost drive the second island of GTA3 without lookin at the screen... my room is still a mess... im still gunna kick my step dads ass... and... im gunna go back to gta3 now...

    Shredder Tartesk
    Sunday, September 22nd, 2002
    2:27 am
    insomnia!!
    ok.. so.. its 2:30 am... i sit at the comp yawning, and actin all tired like, i go to my nice and uncomforatble bed, and toss and turn for an hour or more... then come back online woo hoo... this past weekend ive been gettin ready for my MtG tournament on the 28th... new sets comin out... and my parents are goin to vegas, and draggin me along.. so... i went through and hunted down the pre release tournament over in vegas... and i found one, and im gettin a decent amount of $$$ for it... so, that should make up for the fact that im going to one of the most boring places to be when ur underage and dont have a way to get a fake id... ok.. well.. if im gunna be up online... i might as well be doing something productive... like playing a game...

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Eurhythmics - Sweet dreams
    Thursday, September 19th, 2002
    9:43 pm
    the poor fish...
    2 summers ago, skittles, kelly, my mom, my step dad, and i went to the fair. while we were there, we won a fish. this poor fish survived me not feedin it for a week or more... it survived the house being cooked for a termite probelm... and god knows what else it survived, alas, tonight, i checked on the fish, to see him floatin at the top of the tank... i tapped the tank a few times to see if i could get a responce...and nothing... the fish that went through it all finally decided it was enough... im gunna miss that fish... granted i forgot to feed it constantly, and the with the water it was difficult to see the huge fish... im begining to wonder if changing the water had anything to do with this poor fish's untimely demise... i.. i.. dont know what else to say... :'(

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Green Day - Time Of Your Life
    Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
    9:23 pm
    the memorial
    i was coaxed into going to the memorial service at the park tonight, if i knew it was going on, i woulda gone anyway, but, the hopes of seeing 2 people that i havnt seen for a while was just an added bonus if i saw them, i saw one, and, im not sure if that was good or bad.... i get home, to watch as the second person i wanted to see loggs off... marvelous timing on that one, but, im also greeted with about 10 or so ims from people, not gunna go into any detail on them, because i was bored just looking at them, and dont really want to type unimportant boring things...

    anyway, the memorial service was really nice. a little longer then i expected, but, thats no problem. one lady with a beautiful voice (even though the speakers didnt help at all) sang "wind beneath my wings", the last time i heard that song was at my grandmothers second wedding when her new husband sang that song to her... he died last year, any of u that knew me then knew that i was a poll bearer, needless to say, the song didnt help me much...

    i saw nate again (paiges bf, and an asshole in my opinion, but, i didnt say that). he pulls out a lighter that he has saying "you have to see this", after i look at the shape and design on the lighter, i pull out the exact same one. "great minds think alike" my ass... i bought one because it lights up and has a green flame, and i can easily sell them for about 2X-3X the price i paid, and getting a new lighter is always good when you only have one... torch lighters are good for lighting candels as well....

    anyway, when i get online i decide to check a few peopls away messages, after the usual "im not here fuck off" style ones, i come across Eriks

    I have an ear for music, and I have an eye for a maid.
    I like a pretty girlie, with each pretty tune that's played.
    They go together, like sunny weather goes with the month of May.
    I've studied girls and music, so I'm qualified to say.

    A pretty girl is like a melody that haunts you night and day,
    Just like the strain of a haunting refrain,
    She'll start upon a marathon and run around your brain.
    You can't escape she's in your memory. By morning, night and noon.
    She will leave you and then come back again,
    A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune.

    i have no clue if he came up with this himslef, or if he got it somewhere, if he came up with it himself, hes a god damn rocket scientist, if he found it online, well... he can probably take credit if he likes... as i was reading his away message i was thinking. and for ever girl that i have ever liked, i have a song to go with them.
    Rae = Lifehouse - Hanging by a moment, Aerosmith - Sunshine
    jennicat = Jack off Jill - Angels fuck, devils kiss (the first song that she told me to download), and Bad Religion - Better off dead (for obvious reasons), and for a time, Puddle of mudd - She hates me. ::insert evil smile here::, Tonic - You wanted more
    Heidi, well... mmm... thats a tuff one... Gigi D'Agosino - The Riddle, only because shes confusing as fuck, and i never really figured out what she saw in me... and.. i guess.. Moby - Thats when i Reach for my revolver, Dune - Lost in space, Marylin Manson - Sweet Dreams, as well as any song by Kylie Minogue (and people wonder why i hate Kylie)
    Cassie = Sister Solei - My heart goes boom, Soul Asylum - Runaway train.
    im not even gunna bother listing crystal... or amanda, seeing as how currently i doubt: first) that i have a chance in the first place, Second) that i even want the chance anymore...

    For all of them, Linkin Park - My December / In the end, Matchbox 20 - if your gone / Push / Back 2 good, Silverchair - Abuse me, Eve 6 - Promise. Happy 2b Hardcore Chapter 4- Track 2 - Every time i close my eyes.

    granted, erik said A meaning singular song for each, but, every one has different moods, might as well get a song for each mood... there are probably many other songs on this list, but, i dont want to look through all my songs...

    school sucks... everyone has started, but me it seems. ive been playing a game for a week now, and im lvl 235. it takes the average person a month to get that high, but, playing for 15 hours a day or so really helps... i find myself wanting to go to school, when all i did when i had to do was try to figure a way NOT to go... god dammit...

    i swear to god, my step dad is just asking for me to plunge my throwing knife right into his chest...

    i found a new song, Boondock Saints Soundtrack - Track 18 - Later on, if anyone can either help me find the lyrics, or the name of the artist that does this song, it would be much appreciated...

    ok.. enough venting... be advised, songs propbably change daily, and honeslty, im not putting much thought into it.. so... fuck it... im gunna go back to that game now, i want to get lvl 250 by saturday...

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: Boondock Saints Soundtrack - Track 18 - Later On
    Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
    11:53 pm
    might as well...
    bored outta my mind... no ones really online... cept erik and mia... as much as i love talking to them.. there not one to make a whole lot of conversation... lets see... whats goin on...

    goin to a party a week from sat... should be fun...

    grandfather went to the hospital... he fell from something, cut open his face and i think his eye too.. not sure.. didnt get all the details...

    pissed off yet another person.. this one hasnt even seen me, only heard my voice once, all he knows is that i hit on his gf... why does this sound so familer for someone wanting to beat the shit outta me for hittin on thier gf ::cough ****** cough::... rather not say his name.. he knows who he is...

    people are startin to call me "Felix the happy hard core cat" so felix the cat is my favorite cartoon character next to Marvin the Martian... whatever works...

    gunna rearrange my room soon.. mainly to confuse my parents

    irvine high blows, i really wish that they would get there shit together and get me my god damn transcripts... i dont give a damn if u have people redoing there scheduals, they can do this later, i cant get my transcripts later unless i want to wait another god damn quarter... (my school goes by quarters, not semesters)...

    i have to cut my hair unless i can find a job by next friday.. marvelous... why cant anything work for me?

    found a new online game... good way to kill time.. ive been playin for 2 days now, and im up to lvl 154.. the max is 9999... there are 2 people at that level or so.. im scared...

    im tired as hell... i fucked up my shoulder swimming for the whole 3 min i was actually using my arm...

    im becoming even more irratable then usuall right now... to much shit is going wrong... everything is pushing at me from all sides... im starting to think its time to start pushing back.

    i need to get my fucking license...

    Current Mood: pissed off
    Current Music: Limp Bizkit -It'll be ok ::side note} bullshit::
    Thursday, August 29th, 2002
    12:28 pm
    update!
    bored outta my mind as usual.. summer sucks.. it sux even more when everyone has started school, or is going to start school and you still have to sit on ur ass at home with no one to talk to and nothing to do.. i need a job... eh, so jamie left colledge today, at least she got a few days of seein her friends before she left... i got a letter from my ex, it had one of those proverb cards in it:

    "A friend is one who comes in when the world goes out"

    the rest of the stuff in the letter and such i aint typin ;) would take a day

    havnt been to a rave for almost 3 weeks now..im going through withdrawls...

    i found the sweetest girl in the world, to bad shes going out with an asshole (no im not refering to me, or skittles ;) ) the jerkoff hasnt even met me yet, and wants to kick my ass. woo hoo... another one to add to the list...

    ive been thinkin about all my friends from santa ana before i came to the hell hole buble town of irvine... i miss a lot of them... i dont even know if they would reconize me anymore, or if i would reconize them... i dont even know if they still live there or not... and every once in a while, a random phone # that i memorised way back then pops into my head, and im tempted to call it.. but... im afraid to...

    im finally starting to talk to jennicat again... to bad im still scared shitless of pissing her off again... or when i do talk to her, it might actually be enjoyable...

    i need my licence... my step dad suprized the hell outta me when he said that i can get his old truck when he gets a new one...

    lets see.. what else.. oh yea.. im still sore as hell from monday when mia had some sort of wooden sword type things and decided to beat the shit outta me... if ur ever goin up against mia with those... trust me when i say not to tell her "u know mia, u look cute when ur mad like that"... before i said that... i was semi balanced on attacking and defending... after that.. i couldnt attack.. i was pure defence... and since i was afraid to hit before that... umm.. yea... so.. my shoulder hurts like hell from moving that sword thing around... my leg hurts from the way i was dodging... shit.. i thought she was hittin hard before i said that... i blocked a good portion of the hits though.. i am proud of my self on that one... to bad she hit me in one place that brought me to the floor... no not the obvious shot... she got the side of my knee... which in turn gave out...

    im gunna reorganize my room soon.. dunno when though.. probably some day where i can get someone over to help me move some of the crap in my room.. cause some if it is a little to heavy for me... mainly the dressers... pain killers taking hold.. nity nite


    i heard of someone who once was able to catch lightning. He was fried.

    I once heard of someone who was able to catch fire. He was Toasted.

    I once heard of someone who was able to catch a tree. He was Stumped.

    and me? what have i been able to catch? nothing. The only thing i want is just out of my reach.

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: Dune - Rainbow To The Stars
    Thursday, August 8th, 2002
    9:06 pm
    FUCKING STEP DAD!!!
    my god i swear if i live here any longer its not gunna be pretty... my parents go to vegas 2 times a year... they drag me along every fucking time... i said i didnt want to go... and when dipshit asked why.. i said because i was tired of them argueing every fucking time we go... so now hes thinking of sending me to the navy and not letting me go to the colledge i want.. big fucking deal... if they do sign me up, ill say i was signed up under duress and would like a discharge, honerable or not... then ill take up my friend jeremys offer to move with him to florida, paige should be happy on that one... its because of that asshole that i call Dad that i started smoking, that i have anger problems, and the reason that just about everything i do unless it means a lot to me i do half assed... i swear... if u lock us both in a room... after we argue for a while... only one of us will walk out.. and i can guarantee you it wont be him...

    i got home from jamies house one day, i had a clove still burning when i got home... he doesnt like me smoking in my room.. so i actually paid attention (to my mom) and went to the back yard... he goes into the kitchen... sees me outside.. asks what im doing.. i said "you dont like me smoking in my room" he asked why i was smoking at all.... i was sssoooo close to going off on him... omg... my mind was racing with "because your an asshole that has no patients" "because you do nothing but sit on your lazy ass and have me do everything that would take you 30 seconds or less to do" and so many more things... AAAHHHH FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! if we had a punching bag instead of the games on my computer... that bag would not last long... AAAHH im gunna go rename every single damn bot on unreal tournament to his name, and see how many times i can kill each form of him... me on 16 bots... thnx vie for tellin me the god mode code a while back...

    Current Music: Eminem - way i am, Green Day - FOD, Limp Bizkit - break stuf
    Monday, August 5th, 2002
    10:57 pm
    its been a while
    its been a while since i decided to put nething in this... might as well do a quick update... lets see... a friend of mine says she got arrested with possesion of heroin residue and a few other substances (weed, and something else i dont remember), but, she was online.. soooo... as erik pointed out.. bullshit? a girl that i asked out a while back who said that she would go out with me if it wasnt for the minor detail of her being a lesbian has a bf now... mm.. what else is semi decently fucked up? aside from everything... ummm.. OH i found out the school that i want to go to for colledge, The Art Institute of Cali. they have a really cool multi media class that lets me finish learning a few things about flash, and other programs that i have on my comp and am still mostly clueless on how to run them... lets see.. what else.... OH i found a new favorite song, DJ Sammy - Heaven. i have about 5 or so versions of it on my comp, original, trance mix, extended trance mix, a mix of that with hardcore vibes and set you free, and a bass remix... mmm... one of the games that i used to play hourly on my comp is now online in tournament form and my mom and i are thinking of signing up for the tournaments... (just so u all know, when im not home my mom is on the comp playing some sort of puzzle game i have a hell of a time getting the computer back, specially when i come home early). its only 20 to start playin in the tournaments, and whats even better is that each round is like less then $2, and the pay out is decent, for .75 you can get 2.50 or so... so..its not that bad.... i was playin that today on the trial account, the game said that my skill was to high to be playing in the trial version and i have to deposite money into my account... after 30 min. oh well.. i made another account.. did it again.. im also startin to go through my magic cards... 80 or so thousand cards takes a while to go through, and im runnin out of space to put the stuff i wanna keep and sell... i cant really use shoeboxes nemore to hold my cards... my moms gunna start makin me work on gettin my license soon.... and if i do well enough on these tournament things, ill be set for a car and the tuition crap for my school... exspecially with my moms help on the game when im not home... she has the high score on our comp right now of like 70k+ ive got like 65k or so... havnt tried to beat it in a while...no point..just pisses her off and makes it a lot harder for me to get the comp back... if i ever do get a real job, im gunna have to buy my mom her own computer.... this isnt workin to well sharing this one... lets see... what else.. im just gunna keep rambling on and on because im relaxed enough to a point to do so... ive been havin trouble sleeping lately... dunno exactly why...all i know is that when i do fall asleep... i usually have a nightmare or something that wakes me up with sweat going down my face... all i hope is that nothing happens... the same nightmare for a week could be a sign of something...

    hehe.. the wall behind my computer desk that goes around to my bed is covered in flyers for raves now... i got some more thumbtacks and hung those up... im gunna have to start going above my computer desk soon.. then i have that whole other wall on the other side of my room... i need more thumbtacks....

    my printer has been outta ink since xmas i realized... so.. weve been tryin to get a new cartridge for that... no sucess... im begining to miss a lot of things about school... sleeping during class.. reading books... but mainly the people.... i saw jennicat the other night... its sad... i couldnt remember what her voice sounded like.... i couldnt even remember the color of her hair.. or her eyes... i felt like shit....still sorta do....

    OMG MY PHONE IS RINGING?!?!? WTF?!?!?!???????? hey hey... i need to take this call...

    Current Mood: relaxed
    Current Music: DJ Sammy - Heaven (Green Court Remix)
    Wednesday, July 24th, 2002
    11:52 pm
    blah.. boredom
    was supposed to go to a party last weekend.. didnt work.. so.. im goin this weekend and next... i saw one of my friends tonight that i havnt seen or talked to since... before christmas.. so.. that was cool... class is goin well... i average about an hour or less in it each day... i love the computers at creekside. they dont work. haha. so ive been chillin with jamie for a while... ooohhh... i got a new felix the cat t shirt... im gunna modify that one to glow in the dark soon... i have glow in the dark string that im gunna sew on to the outline of him. and im gunna do the same cause his outline is on the back... whats really cool is that i have a felix the cat necklace, and a pin (refer to my dead journal on info about the pin), long story short, that pin saved my night. so... sooner or later im gunna get bored enough to make his "magic bag of tricks". a backpack that is yellow with the black Xs on it. :-D need to get a god damn job before i can do that though. blah.. its midnight.. and i slept from like 5-7pm today.. so... im not gunna sleep soon... yay for people finally being online! im gunna go talk to them.

    Current Mood: content
    Current Music: H2bH - Ch3 - track 14 - Eye Opener
    Thursday, July 11th, 2002
    5:57 pm
    a typical girls view on me...
    after much debate and searching... i have found the perfect song that is now the theme song from every girl that ive ever liked.

    you can make the sun turn purple
    you can make the sea turn turtle
    but you know you can never make me love you more
    you can turn wine into water
    and sadness into laughter
    but you know you can never make me love you more
    let the sky fall down
    let the leaves turn brown
    still you know you can never make me love you more
    let the rainbow sky
    let the rivers run dry
    but you know you can never make me love you more
    (make me love you, make me love you more)
    (repeat from begining)

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: DJ Mystik- Luv you More
    10:33 am
    ok... i was wrong..
    i havnt seen him for 5 years... same for his sister... i felt kinda bad forgetting her name before she got here... lucky for me people were saying her name... and she has it around her neck. aparantly living in oaklahoma is chills... parents buy thier kids alchohol left and right... weed grows wild... oh..and the really cool part... his school has maby 300 students... the school is from kindergarden to 12th grade. hes in the largest class of 32 students. he says the nearest raves are about an hour away... but.. im used to driving longer.. so... nothin new to me there... my buddy bryce is 16... and taller then me. scared the crap outta me... at least his sisters still shorter then me.... omg if she was taller then me... id be sooo scared... shes only in 8th or 9th grade... so.. yea... yesterday was cool... i might see them again on saturday... that would be cool.. since i dunno when im gunna see them again after... oh.. before i forget.... bryce was like my best friend before he moved.. so.. its cool seein him again... even if he is taller then me

    Current Mood: content
    Current Music: dune - smiley face 99
    Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
    4:46 pm
    everything still sux
    damn school... wont let me put up nething on this there... oh well... im supposed to be cleaning my room right now since i got company coming from oklahoma. havnt seen him for a couple of years now... i hear hes taller then me... thats a major switch considering he only came up to my shoulder last i saw him... im being told that i should update my old site.. take down a few pics... bah.. dont care... to lazy... i wont even update my new one.. why the hell would i update my old one? oh oh oh!! guess what!!! my floor has white carpet!!!!! i didnt know that.... NEW SONG!!!


    met a girl
    thought she was grand
    fell in love
    found out first hand
    went well for a week or two
    then it all came unglued
    in a trap
    tramp i cant gramp (?)
    never thought id be the one whod slip
    then i started to realize
    i was living one big lie
    she fuckin hates me
    trust she fuckin hates me
    la la la
    i try to hard
    and she tore my feelings like i had none
    and ripped them away
    she was clean for about an hour
    then after shit got sour
    she took all i ever had
    no side of gale
    now im feelin all bad
    in a trap
    trip i cant gramp
    never thought id be the one to slip
    then i started to realize
    i was living one big lie
    she fucking hates me
    trust she hates me
    lalalala
    i try to hard and she tore my feelings like i had none
    and ripped them away

    thats my story
    as you see
    learn my lesson and so did she
    now its over
    and im glad
    cause im a fool for all that shit
    she fucking hates me
    trust she hates me
    lalalala
    i try to hard and she tore my feelings like i had none
    and ripped them away
    la lalalalalalalalaaaa
    trust

    SHE FUCKING HATES ME!!



    thnx jamie for tellin me the song... it so fits right now...

    Current Mood: mischievous
    Current Music: Puddle of Mudd - She hates me
    Tuesday, July 9th, 2002
    10:35 am
    im an idiot
    this past week was a living nightmare... not only did i forget to take care of my friends cat, had a massive hangover on friday... btw... a 6 pack of blue skyy and a couple of mikes hard lemonade all in about 5 hours isnt that good of an idea... and dont swim when your drunk... ... i lost about $40 i pissed off 2 really good friends... ... maby not that good.. but still decent friends... my step dad is becomeing more and more of an asshole... my mom is starting to side with him on cutting my hair... she was really my only support... ive got the worst cough right now... im still getting my ass kicked left and right in war craft 3... my records 11-12... and 7 of my wins came from my opponent disconnecting... .. about 5 min into the game... then to top off my shitty week....


    Raevynn14 (9:38:32 PM): hello
    RaverTartesk (9:38:51 PM): ....
    Raevynn14 (9:39:21 PM): a good hello would be ok
    RaverTartesk (9:39:45 PM): still dont trust you... sorry...
    Raevynn14 (9:39:59 PM): TRUST me!?
    Raevynn14 (9:40:08 PM): have i ever lied to you?
    RaverTartesk (9:40:20 PM): your the one thats purposely trying to piss me off... or at least you were
    RaverTartesk (9:40:55 PM): you might have... i just never found out if u did or not
    Raevynn14 (9:40:58 PM): trying?
    Raevynn14 (9:41:02 PM): did it work?
    RaverTartesk (9:41:08 PM): in its own ways...
    Raevynn14 (9:41:15 PM): because all i was saying was the truth
    RaverTartesk (9:41:26 PM): i knew that i never had a chance of getting back together with you....
    RaverTartesk (9:41:31 PM): but hope only hurts pride
    Raevynn14 (9:42:15 PM): ? Josh the stuff your doing NOW is making me regret being with you
    RaverTartesk (9:42:43 PM): well... if it makes you feel any better... the stuff i do now i never did when i was with you
    Raevynn14 (9:43:08 PM): ya i know
    RaverTartesk (9:43:20 PM): sorry.. but i know how hard it is to get respect back from someone who has none for you...
    Raevynn14 (9:43:41 PM): but you did stuff BEFOR we were together, and you told me you stoped.. by starting after we were together you lied to me
    RaverTartesk (9:44:06 PM): the only thing i ever did before going out with you was drink...
    Raevynn14 (9:44:08 PM): i know how that is
    Raevynn14 (9:44:15 PM): achem... smoke
    RaverTartesk (9:44:22 PM): cigarettes yes
    RaverTartesk (9:44:27 PM): cloves.. same diff
    Raevynn14 (9:44:38 PM): thats in the stuff catigory
    RaverTartesk (9:44:56 PM): i didnt say that i stopped smoking...
    Raevynn14 (9:46:44 PM): ewwwwwwwwwww! thats groooose!! i kissed a smoker!!!
    Raevynn14 (9:46:48 PM): YUCK!
    RaverTartesk (9:46:55 PM): i dont even know why i bother anymore....


    Raevynn14 (9:47:00 PM): bother what?

    Auto response from RaverTartesk (9:47:01 PM): everybody neeeds a little time away
    a little stay
    from each other
    even lovers need a holiday
    far away from each other
    hold me now
    its hard for me to say im sorry
    i just want you to stay
    after all that weve been through
    i will make it up to you
    i promise to
    and after all thats been said and done
    your just the part of me i cant let go
    couldnt stand to be kept away
    just for the day
    from your body
    wouldnt want to be swept away
    far away from the one that i love
    hold me now
    its hard for me to say im sorry
    i just want you to know
    hold me now
    im unable to tell you im sorry
    i could never let you go
    after all that weve been through
    i will make it up to you
    i promise to
    and after all thats been said and done
    your just the part of me i cant let go
    i promise to....

    Raevynn14 (9:47:03 PM): STOP IT YA POO!
    Raevynn14 (9:47:16 PM): come back here and fight me like a man!!!
    Raevynn14 (9:48:20 PM): JOSH JOSH JOSH like my font? JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH JOSH
    Raevynn14 (9:48:36 PM): POOOOOO HEAD
    Raevynn14 (9:49:02 PM): :'(your making me want to go see a theripist
    Raevynn14 (9:56:32 PM): GRRR stoooop running away!!
    Raevynn14 (9:56:49 PM): im going to have to call you cause you would just be mean if you hung up on me!
    Raevynn14 (9:57:56 PM): you do know i care... thats why i dont leave you alone, it just bothers me to see that your looking for comfort in all the wrong places
    Raevynn14 (10:39:22 PM): gr


    still no phone call... i guess its a good thing she doesnt have my #.... one of these days im gunna have to figure out why when you compliment a girl they get mad at you... and when you say nothing... they get mad still... there is a lot more im gunna have to figure out... but... this is at the top of my list right now...

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: Linkin Park - Pushing me Away
    Sunday, July 7th, 2002
    11:37 am
    war craft 3 kicks ass
    ive been playing for more then 8 hours a day... and thats with going outdoors from time to time... only problem with it is... is me. i suck at it so hard... my record right now is 5-9. the 5 wins i got were either from them disconnecting, or n00bs. god i need to learn how to play this game.

    i was supposed to take care of my friends cat last week... but.. dipshit me.. i forgot... sooo... .im screwed... the cats fine at least...

    new friends become foes
    old foes become new friends
    it all depends on the time
    the passing trends
    those you care for
    become those you hate
    those you never talk to
    now walk with you to the gate
    it makes little difference
    if they are freinds or foes
    almost always the friends stay
    and the rest leave you behind when they go
    who will stay with you through thick and thin
    who leave when something goes wrong
    true friends stay with you
    no matter how long.

    Current Mood: disappointed
    Current Music: Anabolic Frolic - Time after Time
    Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
    8:21 pm
    WAR CRAFT 3 TOMOROW!!
    and i cant wait!!!!!!! ive read more on this game then any other... i feel as though i already know how to play... (it cant be that hard i mean stratagy wise) so tomorow i wake up at 7... my mom takes me to the spectrum at about 7:30... im there before 8... my mom goes bowling... i stick around and wait for the development team to sign the box and stuff... then i go see MIIB after my mom gets done bowling... then i come home and play the game till i just plain pass out on my comp... sounds like a plan huh?
    Monday, July 1st, 2002
    8:21 pm
    still bored
    im still bored outta my mind.. u know what? this thing might be a good way to kill time... i could just sit here.. typin out what thoughts my fingers can keep up with... home my train of thought doesnt keep switching tracks..or derailing on me... and see what comes up... might work... i dunno...

    i got bored enough to call people.. calld crystal.. no answer... called a few other peoples... no answer... came back online... argued with erik on messaging jen.. thinking he was gunna tell me to leave her alone... aparantly he messaged her... or called her.. i dunno... so.. yea..today was my first chat with jen online without an argument for.. oh... about... 8-9 months now.. something like that... oh well.. .... is it wensday yet? i want that game... that should cure most of my boredom problems..

    Current Music: hoobastank - hello again
    4:29 pm
    school sucks.... as well as other things...
    school is getting more and more of a pain in the ass.. so i know a lot of shit on photoshop... im helpin other people in the class more then im doin my own work... and im already on lesson 10!!! im helping people way back on lesson 4... my web sites being a pain in the ass and not letting me update it... rae still hates me

    "4: so if i insult you a bunch of times and act like a compleate jerk, you think youll get over me?"

    ... lets see... what else sucks right now? mmm..i know what doesnt suck... WARCRAFT 3 COMES OUT ON WENSDAY!!! and my moms lettin me ditch class to go buy it! how sweet is that? the only thing that sucks about it is that its 2 days away! oh well.. the game looks sweet from what ive read and seen... but.. yea... i dont remember who said it... but somewhere i read that the saddest thing in the world is waking up to realize that -yes- that is a pillow your holding. i dunno.. im goin back into my old frame of mind where everyone i know has a b/gf... and i cant stand being around any of them if thier signifigant other is around... im gunna go back to some random game where the point of it is destruction and chaos... get my mind off people...


    everybody needs a little time away
    i little stay
    from each other
    even lovers need a holiday
    far away from each other
    hold me now
    its hard for me to say im sorry
    i just want you to stay....

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: aquagen/chicago - hard to say im sorry
    4:28 pm
    aww hell... why not?
    someone went through the trouble of getting me the code and everything for this... might as well use it... how about this? i use this one for life in general.. and the other will be for other things... such as raves... ect... ... sounds good to me...
    Sunday, June 30th, 2002
    1:37 pm
    oh thats right!
    i do have a live journal.... i keep forgetting about it... i have message boards and a dead journal to worry about... and... this.. is... ummm.... i dunno.. more of a pain....oh well
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